LOSING MYSELF

Being in a new place and exploring new things is fun. the first phase we encounter when we land somewhere new is either of the two the rosy phase or the scary phase. when you go to a new place sometimes you just feel so good, so pampered, (at least i did) and so happy that we kind of start believing that everything is good, everyone is good and out there to love and treat you well. if the phase is the scary one, then one feels intimidated and afraid of the new situation in which they find themselves.

Well both the phases are temporary and the reality soon becomes clear. People seem to lose their love for you or you find yourself looking at the reality that already existed with a shock or the fear leaves us and we find that the experience is not that bad after all. Either way we change our perception after a while.

What do we do  with this new view of our world then? Its my personal experience where i found the city i now live in both nice and scary. I enjoyed my time with people I knew and loved and was so happy to be able to be with them and I was also scared because I had shifted my field and had gotten in an entirely new course. Slowly the fear about the new field receded, I opened my arms to embrace it and soon found myself completely enjoying it just as I was hoping. But the shocker for me was that I slowly but steadily started to change and adjust way too much to fit in with  the people I was with and that it took me good 5 months to just understand it. I lost touch with my firm, logical self and became a submissive and self less individual all because i realized that way i wont be annoying anyone and will be able to keep at least 90% of the population around me happy. Mhat was its result? me being tramped a bit and taken for granted a lot and then hated  a little for being sweet.

I wonder it all would have been different if i would have just let myself be my true self to me and to others.I just continued believing that everyone was good and that there was some fault in me. I began looking down on myself and started thinking that i was really bad and that i didn’t deserve good things and people. I thought that i didn’t deserve the things i expected and hoped for and was ready to accept the first thing which came my way. I simply let people subtly control me and make me feel that i was entitled to act in their favor and according to their wishes.

After an hour long session of watching Tedx videos online( THANK GOD FOR THEM!!), it hit me.I just had the eureka moment where i found why i hated the city and slowly started hating myself. It was because i was molding myself according to what people wanted me to be, may be i feared not being accepted or loved if i didn’t confirm to their wishes, may be i was afraid to be alone in a room full of people whom i knew and that’s why i just changed myself,without realizing the damage i was doing to myself and may be to others.

So i just decided in that moment to be my true self with everyone. We are not perfect, we can never be perfect. We can never expect others to be that and should never try to be perfect ourselves. As easily we accept people with their flaws, we should accept ourselves. May be i would surprise some people with the change in me and may be i would lose some people as well, but i just decided to be loyal to what God has made me and what my parents had molded me and what life has taught me.

Never change yourself in a hope to fit in and be loved. The people who are worth loving are the ones who will accept you just the way you are. We can definitely bring positive changes in us but we should never change to confirm to the people around in order to please them or to fit in. Love yourself, respect yourself. We all are unique, with unique gifts and flaws, that’s what makes us ,’us’. As much as we esteem others highly we should do the same with ourselves. Because this life we have is a gift from God to live according to the unique plan and destiny He has for us, not for living according to the people around us.

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What happens when you don’t love yourself

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Pretty long title and a very important topic which I was thinking about for quite some time but didn’t get any idea till now.

I am a super negative and a ill humored self critical idiot,phew may be that much praise is enough,its damn true.

I don’t love myself,I think its other’s responsibility to keep me happy,I always think that people should have a smile plastered over their faces while talking to me and should always have a right ‘tone’ while talking to me and should not ask any doubts about my capabilities.

Its like I want everyone to have a wireless connection with me,they should know how to treat me without me telling,they should not get angry with me,question me or tell me that I am wrong. 

I can’t bear all that and I am kind of always blaming people around me for my angry irritated mood,I have fights and petty arguments with mom all the time and almost every other day am rehearsing dialogues I am going to say to her and give her a revelation that she is wrong,for which I feel she should be thankful to me,pretty lame isn’t it,now while writing only do I realize.

The problem is not mom or her mood or her non smiling face or the tone,my ears and eyes and mouth actually my mind has gone bad.

Loving ourselves doesn’t mean feeding and clothing and decorating ourselves which we mostly associate as loving ourselves. It runs deeper the thoughts we won’t think for others we think for ourselves,

We won’t call a chubby person even chubby but call ourselves FAT

We won’t judge people based on their skin colour or their past experiences but we do that to ourselves.

Even if someone fails we try to encourage them and give them ample time to bounce back we don’t do it with ourselves.

We have esteem towards others we treat others respectfully but self criticize ourselves and use the meanest words.

In all this I realised I have not learnt loving myself,loving myself doesn’t mean I turn blind to my faults or that I pretend to accept myself fully, it means I don’t hold other’s responsible for my moods,if my mum doesn’t smile while talking I should do it,simple as that

If I don’t like the ‘tone’ maybe I should talk in a tone I would love hearing.

If I love myself I will take care of my health nobody needs to remind me to gives sweets a miss or to drink more water

I shouldn’t expect people around to always remind me that I am beautiful to feel beautiful,neither should I deny it when I am being complimented

I should believe in my God given gifts and should always expect the best for myself

Our family members are not sales persons to always smile and talk, they have a life of their own and have their own problems should not forget that.

The satisfaction and the change we look for, in others are actually the things we are lacking and it’s a warning that we need to change…problem is not in others its in us.

We should not let others steal our peace,joy and confidence. We should always try to be the person we want others to be for us and then slowly we would see things change people change but the thing is we changed. 

A helping hand

I don’t think any of us will openly accept help, we all want to help someone but when it comes to taking help, we usually are a little wary of it. In the past few days I had to rely on my very close family friends for help with admissions in a university and even for going around a city. I felt so grateful for their love and care at the same time I felt a bit of shame sometimes and a bit of guilt because without them I felt completely paralysed in the environment I was in.

But then I realised that I would have done the same for them if they eve needed my help. Isn’t that something, that we always want to assume the magnanimous role of the generous helper but not the role of the one being helped.

While it is written in bible that that it more blessed to give than receive,and yes it feels a lot better to give help than to take it, we often forget that we are dependent on others no matter how independent we ever feel we are.

Human interaction is based on constant giving and taking. Without it there will be no relationships to talk of. So I decided that instead of feeling small and incompetent while taking help I will enjoy the love and concern people have for me and in turn I will spread that love to others…without taking help we cannot give any one a helping hand,because without ever feeling the need for help we would never know what others need..

Life involves taking help as much as helping others and instead of guilt or shame we should develop a sense of gratitude and thankfulness…it will make life sweeter,our burdens lighter and us a lot better.

Too afraid

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Today my 14 year old baby sister wrote a short story and sent it to me on whatsapp. I read it and I seriously didn’t think it was her work until I asked her repeatedly. I was simply amazed by the talent she has, I never thought my sister was into writing stories. It was me who always wanted to become a writer but its just a dormant dream,which I don’t see coming to life any time soon. I felt awed and even ashamed in the way I never try anything and am always expecting failure and not success.

This prompted me to write, I think we all have that one thing,that one dream,that one idea which we think is too unreal or something we won’t be able to do, be it because we don’t have time or most importantly initiative. At least i am someone who is too afraid to start something.

What if no one sees what I write, what if  people don’t like it. There are so many people who write these days,will my words be of any value? This question always stops me from writing or doing any other creative thing because I think that there are many people already doing it and that my work won’t make any difference.

Today after seeing my sister attempt to write for the first time I just felt that all these years I just doubted myself unnecessarily. I am not someone who opens up easily or who jumps into something easily but seeing my sister I realised that I need not be liked by everyone or noticed by everyone, even a single person who reads what I wrote and is inspired by it will do,even if its just my dad or mom.

If you are reading this its my request that if you liked what you read please do something which you have been holding back for long and do tell me about it.

OPAQUE

via Daily Prompt: Opaque

Opaque means something through which light cannot pass through,it doesn’t allow the rays to pierce through it. oftentimes our hearts and minds become opaque to the rays of hope,correction and advice,  love to pierce through us.

A depressed soul is the one which has turned opaque to love,hope and positivity around it. Every one of us has experienced rut,a feeling of being stuck in a routine in our lives. We feel that there is no way of a change to occur, soon we accept this routine as a norm and after a few years realize that all our life could have been different if only we were more transparent. There are rays of hope,inspiration all around us, only those who let them pass through change their lives and move into higher dimensions. If we keep our heart closed,opaque to all the love,life,inspiration which is falling on it,we will slowly experience our interest in life wilting away and soon becoming dead.

The prompts of daily post were always there i used to receive the email notification everyday,but i never let it pass through my mind and never wrote a post. But then today as i saw this prompt,it made me realize the condition of my mind. I always admired bloggers with thousands of followers,they seem to have so much creativity and passion. The thing is we all have seeds of greatness in us, if only we let the rays to pass through,if only we respond to the love,the inspiration,that crazy idea, will we see our life blossom and our dreams come true. Remove the opacity of your heart and see how the rays flood your heart and bring in a new sunshine in your life.

Be more receptive to that person whom you love but you don’t give time to,mostly its either your mom or your spouse. Be more open to be corrected by well meaning people around, it will make you a better person. Be more accepting of the compliments you receive,don’t let the self doubt form an opaque covering on your heart. When you let the light to shine through you will begin to shine.

Opaque

Opaque is something which doesn’t allow light to pass through it. It blocks the rays from piercing it. That’s how sometimes our minds and lives become. We don’t allow the light of hope,the light of correction and advice pierce through our hearts and stay in the dark wondering when it will end.

Everyone at some point experiences a routine in their life,nothing new seems to happen,everything seems dreary,we drag ourselves through the day
wondering when there will be a ray of change shining on us,but do we realize that the rays of opportunity,change,adventure are shining all around us and on us but often we turn so blind to them or we shut our minds so tightly that these rays cannot pierce through our opaque minds.

Opacity is very important in certain things for example you don’t want the walls of your house to be transparent or your clothes. The walls and others protect your privacy and provide warmth,but the opacity of mind and heart,the opacity of your feelings from your loved ones curbs you from enjoying the life to its fullest. So let us be more easy going,more receptive to the inspiration we have all around us,let us be more receptive to what our loved ones feel or say. This kind of transparency will enrich our lives and take it to the next level of fulfilment and joy.

Peace with ourselves

Can we really say that we are at peace with ourselves. That is the question that occurred to me as I was mindlessly scrolling through my instagram feed. Every day we are bombarded with so many pictures,perfect pictures of people we know or don’t know, smiling,in their best outfits,at the best locations,with the best people. It seems like people are having a party even when at work!
We look for inspiration outside ourselves,the other day I read an article where a guy said that these days all the girls looked the same with the same kind of makeup and clothes and that every guy now had a beard and even guys are dressing in a particular way which is thought as more in thing. If everyone is the same where do we look for inspiration. We all want to be different, we all want to be recognized,be popular,be respected for our uniqueness and talents. But isn’t it an irony that in an attempt of being unique we follow trends of the day and becoming copies of each other!
First of all we should realize that to be happy and content we need  not follow trends and be the ‘it’ girl or man,for happiness we need to be ourselves and in peace with ourselves. In this age of internet,social media and an age where everyone is ready to criticize,analyse and judge one another we are seldom at peace with ourselves,because we are not satisfied with the way we look or the place we work or the people we know,the city we live in and so on. We always want to be like somebody else but better! Work in the same place as that cool person works but be cooler! We want the same type of admiration our pretty friends get but a bit more than they recieve! We are forgetting that looking for happiness and inspiration and contentment external sources are a temporary solution. What we do need is acceptance,our own acceptance for ourselves, we don’t accept the way we look or the place we work at or the way our relationships are. We don’t accept our talents or the gifts we have only because we want things someone else has.
That’s where we lose our peace and our frantic search for it starts and we look for it at all places except one that is inside us. Once we can really accept ourselves,appreciate ourselves,accept the way we are and embrace our identity,our God given purpose and identity we will soon realize that we need not be in constant comparison with others because we have our own unique path to tread,well that’s what makes each one of us unique. Psychology says that even identical twins who are genetically same are different in their thoughts and personality. That’s something,they come from the same fertilized egg have the same fingerprint and DNA fingerprint but even they have different personalities. That tells us one thing we all are unique some people say it in a sarcastic way that we are unique just like everybody. But that’s true,nobody can take your place,nobody can be an exact replacement to you,nobody can live the life you have the way you do. This is sufficient for us to believe and understand that we need not fit in,we need not hang on external factors to feel wanted and admired. The God who breathed His life in you has already made you special and equipped you with everything you need to live a content,happy,successful life,this thought will give you the inner peace you need and it will help you be at peace with yourself.

What a hair cut taught me

 

Today I went for a haircut,it had been a year after which i stepped for a new look again. I actually was expecting my long locks which seemed to start growing now would not be chopped too short,alas before i could realise my hair length was cut to half. I was happy with my new bouncy hair but as i reached home all my happiness was gone. Both my mom and sis thought that i had ruined my locks completely and dad just had an angry expression. I suddenly started feeling sad and remorseful,i started cursing my decision to cut my hair,i didn’t know what to do. That’s when i remembered that i need not feel sad for such a  small thing as a haircut. My hair will grow back and till that time i can just sit back and enjoy my short hair in this sultry climate of Chennai.

Isn’t it same with all of us. It might not be a haircut for you but a missed opportunity,an unexpected disappointment, a broken relationship. We know we will be fine and that good things will come but as soon as we meet other people,even our loved ones it is reinforced that you just missed that ticket to happiness.At that moment we take it to heart and start falling into the dark pit of remorse,regret and sadness. But step back take a moment to ponder over the situation,don’t let that flicker of hope die just because of what other people say.

All we need in our life is happiness and contentment,sometimes people might not agree with your idea of perfection and happiness but that should not deter you from enjoying the beautiful life God has given you. If you have a clear conscience and are enjoying the place where you are then just be there,do what you like. All this doesn’t mean you have a licence to hurt others,just explain the people important to you that you are happy with that decision you made,the person you chose,the place you are in,and they will definitely understand.

have a blessed and happy life 🙂

 

TO THE MOST SPECIAL PERSON (YOU)

Each one of us has a desire to be different from the crowd,to stand out,to be noticed for something special in us, and all of us do have  unique traits which do make us special. Some may notice those traits in themselves quickly,while for some others it takes time.  God has so created us that no human  ever created in history or to be ever created in future is going to be exactly like us. There are no two individuals who have exactly the same DNA except the identical twins but even they have some differences in traits in them.

So if we are already created uniquely why is it that we still struggle to find a ground to stand firmly on? It’s because we don’t realize our uniqueness,it’s not God who sees us one in the crowd its us who don’t think of ourselves as unique and special. 

We are not one in thousands or lakhs,we are one in 7.4 billion, that’s the population of this world currently. Our standing does not change,our speciality is not diluted when there are more number of people around us who seem to be equally or even more talented or better than us, our uniqueness remains the same, because our GOD is a GOD who always creates novelty.

Today as you go through the motions of the life and feel as if its all the same you are no different and are just a face in the crowd, remember you are the unique masterpiece of GOD. To stand out in the crowd,all you need to do is embrace the truth about you being a favourite of GOD (each one of you is,coz there is only one  you). Don’t work to be different,work from this standing point that you are different and special, a limited edition coz there is no one like you.

 

when time flies by and you don’t know how

net waste                                                              I am a college student who loves reading,coffee,lipsticks,chocolates and even studies and i have found that i love or at least i am unintentionally doing this one thing almost all the time and that is being distracted by my thoughts,the Facebook,instagram feed and random net browsing too. Its hours before i realise that time has gone by and all i have done is deciding to do something important and end up whiling away my time reading random,useless articles online which are not even relevant to my life. for eg the other day i wanted to just spend some 10 minutes on FB and instead at the end of one and a half hours i realised i was reading an article on Kim Kardashian’s life,for a moment i thought, ‘omg! i don’t remember how i ended up reading this article!’ i am indian and i dont follow any of the hollywood people or socialites of the western world,but still i found myself reading about someone i didn’t care about.

We live in a world where every information we require is just a click away or should i say just a tap on the phone away. Our generation is an information hungry generation. We are constantly looking up for something on the internet even though we don’t need to. My mom complains every single day that i spend too much time with that horrible gadget(my smartphone),and threatens to throw it away (oh man!what would i do). But after her countless appeals and scoldings i have realised that she is right,a moment of revelation you know,when i realised that i am getting more and more distractrd because i have too much information in hand. We do not filter what we read and see or like these days, we simply go with the wave internet has created.

How many times have i read articles on gossip about the famous people,their lifestyle,useless secrets about tv shows i don’t even watch,the articles about whats the new trend in fashion and make up even though i hardly follow any of it. People have started keeping food diary these days to control what they eat,coz no one would like to admit that they ate a large piece of chocolate cake and gulped three cups of super strong coffee,that’s me :),so they avoid eating the food altogether.

So i think we all need to keep a diary for the information we let into our minds.Isaac Newton,the great inventor said that we require our bodies just to carry our brains. He placed such a profound importance on our mind but what we do these days is take care of the vehicle that’s carrying the brain and forget the brain itself. We all are concerned about what goes into our stomach,people like me don’t even do that,yet something more important than that would be to keep a watch on what goes into our head. This will not only keep our head clutter free but will save our time as well,and time folks is the most precious commodity,no body has the luxury of having it infinitely.

God has given us such a privilege to live in a time like this where everything has become so easy and quick,but let us just take some thought and utilize our free time in doing,reading something constructive rather than gushing on a celebrity’s love life or look or that new fad which is filling the markets. Because down the years a celebrity’s lifestyle won’t help you take wise decisions but reading God’s word,building strong relationships and doing all that important things for which we never seem to have time would.