LOSING MYSELF

Being in a new place and exploring new things is fun. the first phase we encounter when we land somewhere new is either of the two the rosy phase or the scary phase. when you go to a new place sometimes you just feel so good, so pampered, (at least i did) and so happy that we kind of start believing that everything is good, everyone is good and out there to love and treat you well. if the phase is the scary one, then one feels intimidated and afraid of the new situation in which they find themselves.

Well both the phases are temporary and the reality soon becomes clear. People seem to lose their love for you or you find yourself looking at the reality that already existed with a shock or the fear leaves us and we find that the experience is not that bad after all. Either way we change our perception after a while.

What do we do  with this new view of our world then? Its my personal experience where i found the city i now live in both nice and scary. I enjoyed my time with people I knew and loved and was so happy to be able to be with them and I was also scared because I had shifted my field and had gotten in an entirely new course. Slowly the fear about the new field receded, I opened my arms to embrace it and soon found myself completely enjoying it just as I was hoping. But the shocker for me was that I slowly but steadily started to change and adjust way too much to fit in with  the people I was with and that it took me good 5 months to just understand it. I lost touch with my firm, logical self and became a submissive and self less individual all because i realized that way i wont be annoying anyone and will be able to keep at least 90% of the population around me happy. Mhat was its result? me being tramped a bit and taken for granted a lot and then hated  a little for being sweet.

I wonder it all would have been different if i would have just let myself be my true self to me and to others.I just continued believing that everyone was good and that there was some fault in me. I began looking down on myself and started thinking that i was really bad and that i didn’t deserve good things and people. I thought that i didn’t deserve the things i expected and hoped for and was ready to accept the first thing which came my way. I simply let people subtly control me and make me feel that i was entitled to act in their favor and according to their wishes.

After an hour long session of watching Tedx videos online( THANK GOD FOR THEM!!), it hit me.I just had the eureka moment where i found why i hated the city and slowly started hating myself. It was because i was molding myself according to what people wanted me to be, may be i feared not being accepted or loved if i didn’t confirm to their wishes, may be i was afraid to be alone in a room full of people whom i knew and that’s why i just changed myself,without realizing the damage i was doing to myself and may be to others.

So i just decided in that moment to be my true self with everyone. We are not perfect, we can never be perfect. We can never expect others to be that and should never try to be perfect ourselves. As easily we accept people with their flaws, we should accept ourselves. May be i would surprise some people with the change in me and may be i would lose some people as well, but i just decided to be loyal to what God has made me and what my parents had molded me and what life has taught me.

Never change yourself in a hope to fit in and be loved. The people who are worth loving are the ones who will accept you just the way you are. We can definitely bring positive changes in us but we should never change to confirm to the people around in order to please them or to fit in. Love yourself, respect yourself. We all are unique, with unique gifts and flaws, that’s what makes us ,’us’. As much as we esteem others highly we should do the same with ourselves. Because this life we have is a gift from God to live according to the unique plan and destiny He has for us, not for living according to the people around us.

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